Creating Reference Experiences
Take a look at the following questions for a moment:
- Do you know how to build up your self-confidence?
- Do you know whether you are confident or not?
- Do you understand what self-confidence is?
- Do you ever doubt your abilities?
- Do you ever doubt your values?
If you’re here, and honestly asking yourself those questions, then read on. The following is something that will help you to construct an enormous amount of self-confidence.
Firstly, you need to understand what self-confidence is. The meaning of self-confidence is:
“…a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgement.”
It’s the feeling of absolute certainty in something or someone (such as within yourself).
Next logical question; “How do I attain that feeling of absolute truth and certainty?”
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt,
It’s important to understand the concept that ‘every behaviour is analyzed (and changed) in a particular context’. Meaning that gaining self-confidence is subjective to certain contexts.
This implies a couple of things:
- Your behaviour(s) may not exude self-confidence, or you may not be confident in every aspect of your life
- To begin being self-confident, you need to focus on developing a behaviour within just one context. Do not focus on anything else, other than developing that one single behaviour. Once you understand that, you’re half-way there
The remaining piece of the puzzle is in answering, and applying the answer to, “How do I get confident in doing something in a particular context?” This is how….
Create a pool of reference experiences…..
REFERENCE EXPERIENCES! When you have enough of them, you will have an immeasurable level of self-confidence.
All of your ‘simple’ life experiences are of memories that you have experienced in the past. These relate to specific behaviour(s) in particular context(s). Reference experiences are the pivotal moments where you have done something that has complemented your beliefs in your reality.
These are your personal evidences that reinforce your beliefs. Without reference experiences, you won’t have enough mental proof to backup anything your mind tries to believe in! They help you to learn, to improve upon, and to internalise your values and beliefs.
There is a direct correlation between reference experiences and self-confidence. The more reference experiences you acquire, the more self-confidence you can build in any given scenario. When it comes to building self-confidence, nothing is easier and more permanent.
Take an example of public speaking, mans greatest fear (statistically speaking). The more public speeches you will have given in the past will serve you for the rest of your life as reference experiences as you have their recollection. At any future point, if you are to speak in public again, you will have self-confidence in those abilities, and will know that you can do it…even if nervous.
The key takeaway is in adding one reference experience after another.
In order to do this effectively, the best tactic is to go beyond your comfort zones early on, and keep doing more of what you want to be confident in. Rinse and repeat this process. Once you have done so, you can rely on those reference experiences for your conscious awareness and your unconscious abilities.
It’s natural to want to get this all done as soon as possible, however, it’s important not to rush the process too quickly either. Acquiring formidable reference experiences is a lengthy process, given the 10,000 hour rule of mastering your skill, but is well worthwhile. Don’t let that concept put you off though, you can begin to see the positive benefits very quickly.
Find the first area that you want to dominate, make a move and do something about going beyond your comfort zone, and do it as soon as you can!